This Means War

What is This War Good For? Not Much
This Means War, PG-13, **1/2, Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, Tom Hardy, Til Schweiger, Chelsea Handler. 20th Century Fox. Director McG. Length 97 minutes.

The action begins within a few minutes of this wild and crazy movie. FDR (Chris Pine) and Tuck (Tom Hardy) are CIA agents. These two agents bungle the assignment they are working on during the first scenes of the movie.
After their fiasco, the agency assigns them to desk jobs. They are field agents, and this demotion does not set well with them. So they begin to play around on their computers. These two guys are close friends, but as in real life, a beautiful lady can change their relationship.
FDR is a man about town while Tuck is divorced. Tuck’s former wife does not know about his affiliation with the CIA. She thinks he is a travel agent.
Tuck and FDR have superficial conversations. The dialogue in “The Means War” is not very meaningful. Lame, feeble, and pathetic comes to mind with the majority of their dialogue.
Tuck does not date much since his divorce; online dating seems to emerge as his modus operandi. Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) becomes his date. When they meet, it appears they are attracted to each other. They decide to give dating a try.
FDR, the ladies man, decides to intervene. He talks to her at a video store, and as in so many relationship, they do not get along at first. Several scenes later, they decide to go out for a date.
Well, Tuck discovers this bit of information, and the war begins. Using CIA tactics to spy on each other, these two agents become involved in “The Eternal Triangle.” As the old song Tom Dooley by the Kingston Trio which is based on a true story indicates – Somebody is going lose, because emotional pain will eventually take one of the three out of the game.
Trish (Chelsea Handler) is Lauren’s best friend. She is always available for crude, rude, and socially unacceptable advice. I admit the movie has several laugh out loud moments, but overall it simple does not succeed as an accomplished mission. The audience is forced to watch bar room fights, trapeze acts, and paint ball games along with other lampoon situations.
When the two CIA agents decide to bug Lauren’s house, the audience is fortunate enough to watch Lauren dance around her house as she is listening to music. The bad guy who got away at the beginning of the movie turns up, and the two agents must try to find him. They are back in the field. Most of this is very predictable. Heinrich (Til Schweiger) is the criminal who got away.
Heinrich is chasing them for revenge. The two agents are forced to work together again. As the situation becomes dangerous to everyone, the two agents must use all of their mental and physical resources to stop Heinrich from taking revenge.
Well, I was not expecting much, and I was right. As a movie critic, I see some movies that do not deliver. Sometimes they do not get a review. With the famous stars in this movie, I thought I would give it a try.
Movies are sometimes like what happens when visiting a strange town. My father was in a town he was not familiar with, and he asked someone, “Where is a good place to eat?” The man replied, “See the restaurant up the street on the right and see the restaurant on the left – If you eat at one restaurant, you will wish you had eaten at the other one.”
“This Means War” does have a few hilarious lines but not enough for a full course entertainment serving. It is mostly a cheap snack.