Machete

Messy Machete Moves Mayhem To New Level
Machete, R, ½, Dan Trejo, Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Jenniver Michelle Rodrogiuez. Twentieth Century Fox. Length: 105 minutes.

Every time I enter a theater, I hopefully await entertainment and depth. Unfortunately, this does not happen very often. The cool, dark theater sets the tone for an entertaining experience about to happen. However, the movies do not deliver with a high percentage.
“Machete is based on a fake trailer from the movie “Grindhouse.” The movie is bloody, gory, and totally unrealistic.
It begins as Machete (Dan Trejo) is tracking down a drug lord in Mexico. Machete is a Federale lawman who believes in doing the right thing, and that is stopping corruption and drug dealing in Mexico.
He plows through several bad guys with extreme violence. After finding the drug lord Torrez (Steven Seagal), Machete is captured. Regrettably he witnesses some violence that is personal to him. Apparently, Machete is hard to kill.
We move forward three years, and Machete is on the streets looking for work. The Immigration Department is trying to stop people from crossing the boarder, and violence is on the rise around the border towns.
The movie makes a weak attempt at comparing the problem with the influential politicians and bad guys. Sometimes I wonder if there is any difference between the two.
The movie has a cast including Robert De Niro as a corrupt Senator named McLaughlin. Don Johnson has a brief appearance. Lindsey Lohan has her turn with corruption and exhibitionism. Jessica Alba is also in the movie, and Michelle Rodrogiuez both have turns looking sexy and doing damage to some bad guys.
Of course, the main character is Machete. He is one bad hombre. While fighting a tough guy during a street fight, Machete defeats his opponent while eating a taco. He has to be tough in order to fight and chow down on a taco at the same time.
It is a movie that cannot be taken seriously. The conversations in the movie are totally of the “tongue in cheek” variety.
When I viewed the movie, there were six people in the audience. I wish that it had been only five. One of us (me) should have been watching something that had more depth.
Anyway, I am cutting this review short. Not much to say about this other than, “see it at your own risk.”